Little Feelings and Bad Music

I always wonder what it was like for my parents, being in their 20s. I wonder if they struggled with the same stuff I did, and I guess I could ask but I do not really turn to either of my parents for anything. Maybe that is part of my many, many, many, many, many, (I can't stop typing many) issues. 

But I deal alone. I think I am able to deal alone, so I am supposed to. Lately, I have felt like leaning, but every time I start to put myself out there, the only people I have ever felt like leaning on pull back, and I think that is probably a sign, so. I should start following signs. I know I have to take Big Next Steps. I know that now. I know I have been idling for a long time, and I know it is time to stop idling. I know that Bellingham is for two kinds of people: the ones that cannot commit to anything and are afraid to commit to anything so they settle for wallowing in nothingness, in unhappiness, in their personal fear of moving forward and then there are the ones that love Bellingham, truly, earnestly, and want to settle here, with their permanent jobs, their husbands or wives, their children. Those people are great in my book, but I am so clearly not that person. I am Person A, and I hate Persons A, so I have to do it. I have to plunge. 

But I am gonna take the rest of the year, because, well #yolo and I love Bellingham in the fall. 

I have to take the Next Steps in my love life, too. But you know I hate those ones. Those are the cut-off-communication, all-or-nothing steps. I hate those ones. I got a long list, though, and I do not know how I ever became the woman who has four million unfinished romantic relationships in her life. That is so not the me I thought I was, but here I am, four million half-relationships later. Spring cleaning time. 

That's enough of that, though. I really came to talk about something else. 

Songs I Could Go The Rest of My Life Without Hearing

1. "You and Me and All of the People" Lifehouse

I know that a lot of songs repeat themselves, but this one is among the very worst. "You and me and all of the people," over and over and over again in a monotonous voice? Why is this song still played ever? 

2. "Pumped Up Kicks" Foster the People

I get that this stupid song is catchy, but it is also creepy and inappropriate. I like songs that have real meanings, obvi, but I don't really know if people know that this song is about a kid shooting up his school. Doesn't that resonate strangely with anybody else? "You'd better run, better run, outrun my gun"? Yeah, turn up the jams! 

3. "Crash Into Me" and also anything by Dave Matthews Band
Here's the deal, this song especially has the most cliche lyrics everrrrrrrr, and it wouldn't bother me so much if people didn't talk about DMB like they saved the world with their presence. Stop touring and stop singing and just get out of here, Dave.

4. "California" Joni Mitchell

Listen, I like Joni Mitchell. I love her even, maybe. I love "Both Sides of You," and you know what, it always makes me cry and the lyrics are deep and wonderful, but goddddddd, Joni, why this song? I think I actually hate California because when I hear the word, I think of the way she cat-screech-crawls over it throughout this song. Barf. 

5. "Your Body is a Wonderland" and also anything by John Mayer

I cannot hear this song and not imagine John Mayer's huge mouth, which makes me gag a little, so. Any beauty hidden in this song is lost on me, and ALSO JOHN MAYER IS THE WORST. 

6. "You Make My Dreams Come True" Hall and Oates

I get down with Hall and Oates, truly, but this song is overplayed, obnoxious and stupid. I have never gone to a karaoke night that someone didn't sing it, plus it reminds me of 500 Days of Summer, which I hate. Don't tell Zooey. 

7. "Baby Got Back" Sir Mix-a-Lot
There is absolutely no nostalgia in this song for me because I always hated it, and not even in an "oh-it's-funny-because-it's-bad-but-catchy" kind of a way because it is not catchy, it is just bad. The lyrics suck, the video sucks and I hate how excited people get when it comes on. I hate everything, literally everything about this song, and I wish I could tell every 80s/90s night DJ to stop putting it on their dance playlists because you literally cannot dance to this song. Goddammit, Sir Mix-a-Lot. 

Also, "even white boys gotta shout" should be "only white boys gotta shout" because white boys are the only people who like this song. 

8. "In the Air Tonight" Phil Collins

I don't like Phil Collins because he creeps me out and his voice is scary, but I especially hate this song because I heard a scary myth story about it when I was a kid and it freaked me out and I hate it now. And I didn't think The Hangover was all that funny so there was no redemption in its use in the trailer for that movie. Just, forever more, I would love to not hear this song.

9. "Ice Ice Baby" Vanilla Ice

Bad rap. This song blows. Again, no nostalgia, just irritation. 

10. "Don't Stop Me Now" Queen

I like Queen, obviously, I'm not a monster. I hate this song, and I hate it just slightly more than I hate "Fat Bottomed Girls," and I really hate that song. Overplayed, annoying, pointless. I want to stop everyone's fun when it comes on. 

This has been great. I'm stopping at 10, but I'll come for more someday. 

Now I'm 25: the lessons

In case you guys have not realized it yet, I really enjoy reflections. The past few weeks, I have spent a lot of time reflecting on what it meant for me to be twenty-four, and what I learned and what I loved and what I hated. I think everyone should do that. I hate when people go through life not thinking about their actions or their memories or their lessons. It is so important to learn from your own life. So, that being said, I will turn twenty-five years old tomorrow morning. You know what's kind of cool? I was born at something like 4:05 in the morning, and tomorrow, my alarm will go off at 4:05 in the morning because that is the time I get up and get ready for work. I will go and work with one of the best people I know, and I will interact with people I see everyday of my life and then I will drink margaritas with people I spend forty hours a week with and then my brothers and I will hang out with all of my friends and it will be glorious.

And even though we are all starting to be on different pages in our own lives, it will be really nice to spend my birthday with the same people I have spent it with for the past few years. We can withstand stuff like sex and arguments and new relationships and breakups and growth. I know we can. Because we're 25 now. 

Vital Things I Have Learned in the Past 25 Years.

Just some stuff. 

At twelve years old, I learned that you should never hurt your older brother ever. It is still my shittiest memory. 

At sixteen, I learned that you should just tell him that you love him. I know I learned this young: it's why I have no problem spilling my guts these days. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I mean, almost literally. 

At seventeen, I learned that you should always take opportunities to speak in public. I gave a really important speech in high school, and then a really important almost solo performance in front of the entire school. Though I still have never been as nervous or terrified in my entire life, I am still so proud of myself for them both. Overcome fears. Speeches are cool. Show the world how great you can be. 

At twenty years old, I learned that you should reunite with long lost family. Nothing better than seeing cousins and aunts that you haven't seen since you were a young, young child. Remember that you can learn a lot from the people you are related to, even if you don't want to admit it. 

At twenty-one years old, I learned that you should absolutely stand up to your friends, even if it will one day ruin the friendship. If your friendship cannot withstand disputes and arguments, if your friendship cannot withstand honesty and admittance, your friendship should no longer be. Find the friends you can talk to about everything, find the friends who won't leave you for caring about them. Those are the friends. 

At twenty-one years old, I learned you should take risks and quit your job because there could be something better out there for you. Because you could end up loving it for four years, and then some. 

And you could meet your best friends there. 

At twenty-two (and twenty-three and twenty-four), I learned that you should never date someone who will not hold your hand in public. I mean, absolutely never ever, there are no exceptions, you are just an idiot if you are doing so. (Yes, calling the kettle black, but I will never do it again!) 

At twenty-two, I learned that you should fall desperately in love. What are you waiting for? Life lessons galore when you fall in love. 

At twenty-three, I learned that you should forgive your parents. Both of them. All of them. They tried their hardest, even if their hardest was a really lame effort. Give second chances. 

At twenty-four, you should build your own family. You know how your family has friends that they call family? Like your parents' friends? You should work on making your own when you're young so you can be family friends forever. Mine are called the Veilleuxs and the Piersols. I love their babies, and I love them too. 

At twenty-four, you should start to realize that you are getting old, so start that savings account if you haven't already. Stop dating jerks, if you haven't already. Call your mom once a week if you don't already do that. Take yourself seriously, if you need to start doing that. Love yourself. Eat healthy and work out, or don't, but don't beat yourself up over it. Be young, but grow up. 

Life is pretty much like that Alanis Morissette song. 

Jess, through the years.

ROR Number Whatever

1. You know I love Leos, and you know it is full blown Leo season, so here are a few of my favorites this week:

And the best, the one on the right.

2. Speaking of Leos, I am totally excited to turn 25. Who knew that would happen?!

3. It is definitely safe to say that being totally smitten is one of my favorite things this week, still. 

4. Great oldies.

5. My favorite thing about Bellingham, probably. Big mamas. 

6. Being thismuchcloser to the Olympics being over. I don't mind them, I actually think it is one of the coolest concepts that the world has ever come up with but I am so sick of hearing about them. 

7. This interaction:
Me: Whoa, Brian, come back here. You're not going to go for that girl? That moment was like a romantic comedy!
Customer: Yeah, kind of, but it wasn't that funny.
Me: I know! What romantic comedy is actually funny?
Customer: You're really funny. 

Me: This isn't about me! Go get that girl! 

#wingman

8. My favorite funnyman Sean Morrow. If we ever get to go to a hellogiggles event, I will be most excited to meet him. 

9. The lyrics to the song "Homecoming," especially when you have a crush on a guy from Chicago. 

10. And lastly, my new category borrowed from one of my favorite tumblrs, "Best Text Messages of the Week!"

• "I rode a fireball. Annnnnnnnnnnd a broom. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd a horntail. Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd the hulk." 
• "Is buying a plaid flannel shirt a bad idea?"
• "Disco pants." 
• "shane was just showing me the way prince harry was cheering on a horse riding event. like literally."
• "Getting an iced grande green tea is so sooooooooooooo lame when you're not working." 
• "I think I pretty much said I had no friends. Who's awesome?"