2013: The Gold Goals

2012 was interesting. If I could make you a bar graph or something to show how up and down it was, I totally would, but I just opened Excel and realized that I only lie on my resumes when I say I know how to work it.

JUST KIDDING, GUYS.

(I'm not kidding.)

This is the most wonderful time of the year for me, though. The holidays are officially over (and though I love the Christmas season, not so much the day), I am so excited when the first of the year comes around and I can start to set goals for my year. I used to have them done by January 1st, but sometimes I don't always do that. Sometimes, I take my time thinking about what I would like to accomplish throughout the entire year, and sometimes I write out a bomb list and lose it at work, where I should never have been writing it in the first place because I was on the clock.

But first, a quick (and I mean quick, no explanations) recap on how I did last year:


1. Follow my heart: did it, even when it led me astray. I'm good, only now.
2. Read: did it, I always do.
3. Let it go: did it, took eight months of the year, but I did it for real this time.
4. Control myself: did it, took eight months of the year, but I did it! 
5. Listen to more Madonna: did it, saw her in concert even! 
6. Stop guilt tripping: didn't do it, but some people need to be fucking guilt tripped.
7. Be honest--really, really, really honest: did it, I always do it.
8. Have fun running: did it, even if I haven't ran in a trillion years. (two months)
9. Mind my elders: did it. Thanks, guys.
10. Listen to the Biebs: didn't do it. I need to get back on the Biebs' train.
11. Let others' words sink in: did it. See: listen to elders.
12. Hold babies: so. did. it.
13. "Do what you love and fuck the rest.": I need this reminder, but I did it this many times.
14. Stay up later than I want, wake up earlier than I should: nah, dawg, but my mindset changed. I love to sleep. 

And without getting all nostalgic and sappy and yadda yadda yadda on you guys, because I have a feeling you already know how my 2012 was, I will tell you that I am so excited to welcome a brand new year. This year is going to be different for me. How do I know that?

I am entering 2013 in the best shape of my life and not because I have not eaten in a month and a half, but because I am a healthy and beautiful human being, goddammit.

I am entering 2013 not heartbroken, but actually pretty down with my heart.

I am entering 2013 having absolutely no idea where I will be this time next year, but it doesn't freak me out for once in my life.

And I am entering 2013 as a regular writer for two different websites who had an incredible time last year "meeting" a bunch of fucking rad people who share my interests and sense of humor.

So, with no further ado.

2013 Goal Keepin'

1. It may seem totally ridiculous because it may seem like I know how to do this, but I have a very hard time accepting compliments, and this is going to be the year that I don't say, "oh, thanks, I just woke up in a rush and got lucky that my hair fell just right." I will just say, "well, thank you very much." THAT'S IT, JESS, NO FUNNY BUSINESS.

Plus, I factually have great hair.

2. And in the same vein, I have heard (so hard to believe I am sure) that I need to pick my battles better. For the record, in my defense, I do not actually find myself to be the kind of person who "picks battles" with people who do not deserve to be fought with. I do not actually find myself in the middle of very many battles, to be honest. Sure, overall, I probably "fight" or argue on a more regular basis than some of you, but that does not mean I am constantly fighting with anyone.

There are times I should turn my head. There are times when it is not a passive move, but a smart one. I have an extremely rough inner battle with people who stand by on the sidelines. It is not in my blood to observe something that I believe in my heart is wrong without saying something about it. I cannot do that, I cannot. Almost all of the "fights" I get myself into usually originate from my defense of another person. I am not vowing to downplay my fierce loyalty--that shit isn't going anywhere--I am simply vowing to not get involved where I am not needed or wanted. I do not need to defend everyone.

3. I typically have a "read more" goal, but this year, it differs slightly. I do not just want to read more, I want to read specific books. First off, I want to read every book I own that I have not read. (Quite the list.) Secondly, there is a long list of books that I have always wanted to read that I have not come around to quite yet. This year, I will read five of those books. I will share titles when I have a more organized idea.

4. You know what I find really important that I constantly neglect? My health. Sure, I sleep well and I eat very healthily and I only drink big mamas once, maybe twice a week, but do you know the last time I went to a dentist? Me either.

Do you know the last time I had a pap smear? NEVER.

I know, that's pretty much against women's law, but I am just being honest.

I will go to a dentist (like I called a dentist today and I have an appointment in two weeks) and I will go to a...sigh...lady doctor. They terrify me. But if I want to achieve my next goal, this is an important one.

Mental health is also vital, right? I have the name of a therapist in town written on a receipt in my wallet, and I will be calling her soon. Sigh. Growing up is hard to do.

5. Though I believe that I speak openly about many-a-subject, I still find myself quiet about plenty of things. I used to not say something or other in case someone or other would find it too personal. This time, I am entering the year only thinking about myself. Maybe you guys already thought I was a selfish human being, but I pretty much always think of who I am going to affect, or cause to think less of me while writing. To be the kind of writer I want to one day be, I need to not think of such things. I used to hold back when speaking about my family, for I never wanted my mother to believe I think ill of her. (I do not.) I never spoke of my extended family, for I never wanted to end up fighting with my cousin over a stupid blog post. I wanted to seem diplomatic and strong and not-bitter about my ex-boyfriend, so I never said mean things about him in my writing.

I am diplomatic and strong about my ex-boyfriend, and I am not bitter. I hope he is the happiest person alive at all times, for he was the first boy who ever loved me, even if it was broken and harsh and complicated and draining on me. He was the one who taught me how to feel like a woman is supposed to feel. I lost my virginity, much older than I ever thought I would, to this ex-boyfriend, and I could never thank him enough for being a good person to lose my virginity to.

That all being said, I am ever-so-grateful to the universe for keeping us apart.

And I always look so good after we break up.

This year, and forevermore, I want to write like there is no one reading. I am done catering to my exes and the family that doesn't want me in their life anyway. How boring would a memoir be if it were filtered for the people it may or may not upset? If you are not pissing someone off with your words, you are not doing it right.

I love controversy.

6. I grew up on television, but I have sorely neglected the ol' trusty box for the past few years. In 2013, I will discover (at least) one new television show.

I have the first season of Six Feet Under next to my bed, so I think I will start there.

7. One of my very favorite customers, we call him Re-Phil because he always comes back for his refill (SO CLEVER, I KNOW), came in early on New Year's Day, and after he finished telling me a hilarious story about running the first ever Seattle Marathon in a pair of Chuck Taylors back in the 70s, he goes, "you need to start appreciating sunshine." He knows I claim to be a winter lovin' young woman, but I think he is probably right. Since I hated the holidays this year (what has gotten into me!?) and this cold and rain makes me want to curl up and not talk to anyone all day long, maybe this is the year I look forward to spring and summer. Maybe it's time to change with the seasons, you guys.

8. And speaking of the summertime, I bought a swimsuit last year when I was skinnier that I was obsessed with after that adorable episode of Glee.

And I have only worn it three times, one time under a dress, which barely counts. This year, I want to wear a swimsuit and feel comfortable doing so. This might be impossible, but it is at least the thought that counts.

7. Though hearing about his recent collaboration with Bill O'Reilly (wtf, Tom?) makes me feel a little disappointed, one of my main goals this year is to get @tomhanks to tweet at me. I love making twitter goals so much that I will probably make a whole list. Last year, I only really wanted to get Candace Cameron Bure to tweet at me, and that goal took about an hour, so. Reaching for the stars (get it?) in 2013! Full list to come later.

8. As I say every year, I want to run a half marathon this year. I have nothing more to say. Maybe I finally will, maybe I won't.

9. Though I absolutely adore my positions writing for TheConversation and HelloGiggles (my heart lives in that website), I would absolutely, positively love to get a paid writing position. (I would never give those ones up, though! I want an additional paid writing position.) I promised myself that I would spend a lot of time submitting my writing this year, and applying for positions that I may or may not be qualified for. Yes, I will up and move to New York or Chicago for a job at a magazine. BIG DREAMS THAT MAY NEVER COME TRUE, but it is a goal. I have nothing to wish on 11:11 for right now, and now I do.

10. And of all of the things I would like to do and become and enjoy and learn about this year, this goal is my very most important. 2013 will be the year that I do not get broken up with. If that means I choose to not date anyone the entire year (I have a feeling that won't be the case), so be it. 2010 was riddled with my heart being broken every three months by the same dude, rounding out the year in the worst betrayal I felt until the same time next year from the same dude I had taken back with all of my trust and hope, only to have history repeat itself. It is okay to learn from mistakes, and unfortunately, stubborn people have to make mistakes a whole lot before they learn from them.

But in 2013, no boys will make me cry. This heart is going to build and become the heart of brute strength it used to be before I will give it away again. It is only fair to me.